A few steps back......just my kind of stride.

One step forward, twenty steps back.  Today felt as though the retraction was 500 steps.....

Major, life altering decisions never come easily.  Accustomed to ritual and routine, any disruption, whether it be for the good or adversely lends itself to unrest.  Replacing old bad habits with good ones or just trying to tweak things, ever so slightly to find an improvement.  Recently, I made one of those life altering decisions.  It took me many months to arrive at the decision and commit to it fully.  Then, a financial set-back left me hopeless.  I accepted that circumstance, then, what seemed to be a saving grace manifested itself five days ago.  My plan was back on track, praise be to God!

Then today, I received an e-mail while at work, saying that the plug was pulled on the project for good.  A person whom I love and trusted had promised to help me.  I put all of my eggs in his basket and he let me down tremendously.  I was devastated.  It would definitely had been much more productive in my eyes to have never been given the false hope that had sustained me for the past several days.  It seems cruel, but you know, praise still be to God.

You see, as I was in tears, a co-worker that I had comforted three years ago when his wife had miscarried their first baby, was in the room.  He asked me what was wrong and instead of holding it in and keeping it all to myself, which is very uncharacteristic of me, I broke down.  After he listened, he proceeded to tell me the most important thing that I was to hear this whole day.  J told me that although it didn't seem like it, that God's plan was still secure and in place.  He also told me that over the past four years that he had worked with me, that he had seen how I have struggle as a single mom.  He also told me that I have given my children the one thing that he never got as a child--I had given my children the opportunity to know Jesus.  He told me that although I couldn't give my kids the material things that they wanted, it was my lack of opportunity that had caused my kids to become great.  J talked about my son's affinity for music and how that would have probably never been cultivated had he been given every video game and gadget.  He talked about my daughter's artistic nature and how she loves creating things and using her imagination and how if I had given her computers and other distractions, that she would not be the artist that she is today.

So, my apparent loss, was an opportunity for the father to console me through a good friend.  His timing is never lost or imperfect and tomorrow, I will move on and seek the wisdom that can only come from the only one who has never forsaken me.  If I get to hang out with Jesus as he tries to show me all that I can glean, then a few steps back, is just my kind of stride.